So what do women tend to do when a schmuck breaks their heart?
We internalize. We think it's us, not them. I've had some relational turmoil in my recent past. I have some friends who are experiencing relational turmoil right now. I dare say that my relational turmoil is over. Not saying that I don't have relational problems, but I'm fairly certain that the turmoil part is over.
I'm seeing many friends go through various things right now, and it's not easy for me to watch, either. I try not to judge and I try to be supportive of whatever path they choose for their lives.
One friend and I were laughing at me recently because I was bad-mouthing her ex and ten minutes later I was telling her that if she wanted to work on getting him back, I'd be totally there for her. Is that wrong? Maybe. Do I really think he's good for her? I don't know. I never really saw them together. I know few facts. Fact: They had been together a long time. Fact: They had kids together. Fact: There must have been some good at some point because I don't believe she would have stayed with him as long as she did.
I have another friend who was suffering from a drug addiction. She was with a man who also had the same addiction (I believe they "tried" the drugs together and became addicted together). He was constantly lying to her that he had quit. Then he blamed all of their relationship problems on her addiction. He was constantly complaining about her job, but at least she was employed. As you guessed, he was not. He was repeatedly tearing her down verbally at every opportunity, even to the point of saying she must be a disgrace to her family. I'm not really sure what's going on with her right now because I haven't communicated with her recently, but I hope she's holding out and staying away from him.
I read a book recently that I would highly recommend to those two friends. It's called "So the Bastard Broke Your Heart, Now What?" The author of the book, Tasha Cunningham, founded the website DontDateHimGirl.com (for those who prefer to not read a book). Knowing how we tend to internalize negativity when a guy breaks our heart, I think most women should read this book. The bonus, it's got some good stuff in it for those of us who have found our soulmate, too. It reminds us that we shouldn't view our future with our soulmate on the foibles of our past relationships.