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Wednesday, January 28, 2015

Dear Dad

I try so hard not to have regrets, but my regrets with you are plenty.

I wish...

Some days I want to scream and shout and hate you for not loving me.

Some days I know that you did but you didn't know how to express it.

You visit me, often, in my dreams. In the beginning it was okay. I understood your messages.

I don't remember what you and grandma told me in the one. The one that made me cry. The one that made me wake up, wailing like a child.

I haven't seen you since you reminded me of every hurtful thing that transpired between us over 41 years. I don't understand. Was that you telling me that you never really cared?

I don't understand so much.

But I'm still trying. It's harder with you not here.