I try so hard not to have regrets, but my regrets with you are plenty.
Some days I want to scream and shout and hate you for not loving me.
Some days I know that you did but you didn't know how to express it.
You visit me, often, in my dreams. In the beginning it was okay. I understood your messages.
I don't remember what you and grandma told me in the one. The one that made me cry. The one that made me wake up, wailing like a child.
I haven't seen you since you reminded me of every hurtful thing that transpired between us over 41 years. I don't understand. Was that you telling me that you never really cared?
I don't understand so much.
But I'm still trying. It's harder with you not here.